Saturday, November 9, 2013

What's in Your Closet: Having Hard Conversations

There's a really awesome video going around right now of a TED talk that happened in Boulder, Colorado by a woman named Ash Beckham. She talks about how important it is to have "hard conversations" with people, and that no matter what your "hard conversation" is, hard is hard. There's no comparing my hard against your hard--it's just hard. Her talk is about encouraging people to leave their closets behind and have those hard talks, because a closet is no place for a person to live.

Ash is a lesbian and part of her talk was about her coming out of her own closet, which she describes as having rainbow walls--but walls that no one could see, because it was dark inside. She talks about how difficult it was for her to have that hard conversation with people, and she shares how some of those conversations went. One of the stories she shares is about having that hard conversation with a 4 year old girl in a restaurant and the life lessons learned from pancakes. I'd like to share her video with you now.


Not having those hard conversations is like a holding onto a grenade, but that doesn't make it any easier to say what needs to be said and leave our closets behind. There's a website called Post Secret that's been around for quite some time now, and essentially they help people take the first step in coming out of their closets by offering a way to anonymously share their hard conversation with the world. You send them a postcard with your "secret" on it and they upload them to their website to
display for all to see.

What makes it so difficult to have these hard conversations with one another? Fear of rejection or disappointment? Fear of causing pain or suffering to others? Or a fear of being open and vulnerable? The bottom line is that it doesn't matter what your hard conversation is about--it's hard, and it needs to happen...because the longer you wait, the more time you give that grenade to explode.

I've seen first hand how hard those conversations can be, and I've seen how beautiful life can become once they've been had. The boy-o has the lucky fortune of having a pair of Aunties on one side instead of an Aunt and Uncle, and I hope that he grows up inspired by their courage to have had their hard conversation.

But like Ash tells us, stepping out of a rainbow closet isn't the only hard conversation people have. No matter what your hard conversation is about--step out of your closet into the sunshine, because a closet is no place for a person to live.

6 comments:

  1. So true, Sarah. It can be really tough for anyone to open up about many topics. I think young people today are especially wary of talking about some matters because they are worried their peers could see it as a weakness. I suffered from Crohn's disease as a teenager, which interfered with 'normal' life. It was year before I talked about it openly because I just wanted to be what I thought was 'normal'. It can be very hard to have these hard conversations, and there is a risk, but usually it is worth taking the risk.

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    1. Hard conversations always carry a risk--and that's what makes them so hard. I'm glad you were able to come out of your closet to share your story! It can be a very liberating experience!

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  2. Wow very interesting, thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thanks for your comment Liz! Please feel free to share Ash's message with anyone else you know who might appreciate it.

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  3. Keeping in hard conversations eats at you. It is so much healthier to have the hard conversations. It's really about honesty and respect for yourself and the ones you love. It is a life changing habit and it feels great. Agreed?

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